{"id":70015,"date":"2019-06-28T16:24:35","date_gmt":"2019-06-28T20:24:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/magazine.tablethotels.com\/en\/?p=70015"},"modified":"2023-03-29T10:52:50","modified_gmt":"2023-03-29T14:52:50","slug":"pride","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/magazine.tablethotels.com\/en\/2019\/06\/pride\/","title":{"rendered":"Pride"},"content":{"rendered":"

After Paul Fishman came out, his relationship with his dad wasn’t quite the same. So he decided to take him on a father-son trip to Pride NYC for the 50th anniversary of Stonewall, and to learn the history of LGBTQ+ rights.<\/em><\/h4>\n

I was 10 the first time I visited New York City. It was December and all I remember was it being so cold and windy that I could barely breathe. You know the feeling, right? It\u2019s like when you get the wind knocked out of you, but worse, because for some reason you chose to be in that cold frigid air. I took this trip with my dad, a born and raised New Yorker who wanted to show his firstborn the ropes of New York City and boy-oh-boy, was I ready.<\/p>\n

We were staying in Times Square at a fancy hotel with dark green wallpaper and lots of chandeliers. To this 10-year-old it was everything! Our room was big, with two full-sized beds and a view of the lights and magic that attracts so many to the city. It was at that moment I decided that I would someday follow in my dad\u2019s footsteps and live in New York.<\/p>\n

I eventually lived in NYC for nearly 6 years (10-year-old Paul sure knew how to get what he wanted) before it chewed me up and spit me out. New York is where I lived when I came out, and it’s where I had my heart broken by a boy for the first time. My dad was always the one who was on the other end of the phone giving me advice when I dated women, but for some reason the change of gender managed to put a pause on that piece of our relationship. Don\u2019t get me wrong, my parents are, and always were, very supportive of me, but there was still this shift that I couldn\u2019t seem to understand. <\/p>\n

That\u2019s why I decided that I would invite my dad on a father-son trip of a lifetime.
\n <\/p>\n

\nRing, Ring.<\/em>
\nI\u2019d practiced this conversation a bunch in my head and I knew he\u2019d say yes. It would go something like this. \u201cHey dad, I\u2019m going to New York for Pride and I thought you\u2019d like to join me. It will be fun.\u201d
\nRing, Ring.<\/em>
\nMy heart started racing. Why was I so nervous? \u201cJust ask him to come, Paul\u201d I thought, \u201cit will be fine.\u201d
\nRing, Ring.<\/em>
\nYou\u2019ve reached Jay Fishman\u2019s voicemail.
\n\u201cHey dad, call me back, I\u2019ve got a fun father-son trip idea!\u201d\n<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

 
\nSeven years ago I came out to my parents. Via email. I think I still have it, but I\u2019ll spare you that awkward moment. Actually, that wasn\u2019t really the first time I came out \u2014 but that was the time that stuck. I had first come out a few years prior, in the car with my dad. I had made a big deal about wanting to talk to him and he asked me if I would go on a ride with him. It was totally anticlimactic and he wasn\u2019t surprised. I really wanted him to be surprised! That might be part of the reason it didn\u2019t stick. I was stubborn and not ready to succumb to the fact that others had me pinned before I had fully figured it out.<\/p>\n

Let me give you a little background about who I am. <\/p>\n

I was put through the wringer as a kid; by bullies, by my parents, really by anyone who had an opinion about me. Yes, I loved to play with Barbies, and yes, it seemed apparent at a young age that I had a proclivity for the fabulous things in life, and yes, all signs pointed to gay. But I hated being told what I was and I hated being made fun of for it. No one in my position likes being made fun of, obviously, but I particularly despised it, and I had to prove them wrong! The ones that hurt me, that had no right to tell me what I was or wasn\u2019t. The ones who didn\u2019t love me. So I went on to prove them wrong for the first 25 years of my life. Until I couldn\u2019t do it any longer.<\/p>\n

It was 2010 and there were three defining factors about my life: I was 75 pounds overweight, in financial crisis (hi New York, you\u2019re cute, but expensive to live in), and in an emotionally abusive relationship with a woman. I had to get out, so I did. This was the first time I came out. You know, the time that everyone wasn\u2019t surprised and some even said \u201cwe\u2019ve been waiting.\u201d The nerve! So, because I hated people telling me that they knew me better than I knew myself, I attempted to prove them wrong. Again. <\/p>\n

I jumped back into that reliably dysfunctional relationship with the verbally abusive woman for nearly another year. We moved in together, we went through the motions. It was killing me. God, I was so stubborn, but also, I was deep in my suffering stage \u2014 the point in my life where I was willing to sacrifice my well-being to stay comfortable in the trauma that I lived in. Whether it was a bully telling me I was a girly-boy, the kids in college asking if maybe I thought I was gay, or this woman telling me that I would never find happiness, I had found comfort in being criticized. It was my safe space, until it wasn\u2019t. <\/p>\n

And that\u2019s when I came out for the second time.<\/p>\n

For some reason, even though I was still the same human, my parents and I had to go through a relearning process. We had to relearn how to communicate, relearn boundaries, and relearn how to be a family. In reality nothing really changed, but at the end of the day we still had to work at our relationship. My parents, products of the \u201980s AIDS epidemic, were just scared that their son would become a statistic, but they didn\u2019t know how to say that. They didn\u2019t have much to worry about. I wasn\u2019t one to go out and party, but I was going through my gay adolescence: when you wait to come out until your late twenties (for real and for keeps this time) and it feels like you\u2019ve truly just discovered your body.<\/p>\n

Fast forward to now: it\u2019s 2019, I live in California, I just celebrated my one-year wedding anniversary with the man of my dreams, and my dad and I have built our relationship back to where it was. I felt like something was still missing, though, so I thought it would be fun to bring my father with me to Pride in New York City. And not just any Pride, this was the 50th anniversary of Stonewall<\/a>\u2014 a violent social uprising that marked the first steps towards LGBTQ+ civil rights in this country. Doesn\u2019t it just sound like a dream of a father-son trip?<\/p>\n

I really wanted to have a conversation on my podcast The Road to Self Love<\/a> with my dad about what it was like to be on the other side of my journey to honoring my sexuality. The ups, the downs, the all-arounds, and I felt like taking a trip back to the place it all began would be particularly potent for this discussion. I also wanted to learn a little more about LGBTQ+ history, and felt like my dad wouldn\u2019t mind the history lesson either.<\/p>\n

This was the first time that I was taking care of the travel arrangements, and for a hotel I decided on 11 Howard<\/a> in SoHo. I loved arriving to a room with a view, and also one of the most comfortable hotel beds I\u2019ve ever slept on. Seriously, the bed was so good. I’m actually a Tablet Plus member, and my privileges included a room upgrade and a $50 food and beverage credit, so not only was I able to treat my dad to a luxurious hotel room, but to lunch, too.<\/p>\n

Since I wanted to give him the full taste of Pride, we took a walking tour of LGBTQ+ History that started and ended at Stonewall<\/a> \u2014 which was not only impactful for my dad but really inspiring for me. I am so grateful for my LGBTQ+ family that came before me and paved the way for the rights and freedoms that I have today. The most impactful part of the tour, however, was at the beginning when the guide asked each of us to share what we\u2019re proud of. Most people said things like, I\u2019m proud to be able to be married, I\u2019m proud that I just came out, but I got to say that I\u2019m proud to be here with my father. Not everyone is as lucky as I am to have such supportive parents. I am fully aware that it is a blessing and this moment at the beginning of the tour really solidified that for me. The entire group made a noise that cannot be described other than one of pure heart warming elation. My dad was officially winning the Best Dad award at that very moment.<\/p>\n

On the tour we learned about places like Julius\u2019 Bar<\/a>, the oldest Gay Bar in NYC and also the place that three years prior to the Stonewall riots, in 1966, was part of the \u201cSip-In\u201d. A historical moment which supported overruling the current law that did not allow a bar to serve alcohol to homosexuals. We visited the spot where St. Vincent\u2019s Hospital<\/a> used to be, the only hospital in the city that wasn\u2019t actively turning AIDS patients away during the epidemic. The guide took us to 3 different churches that welcomed all people regardless of sexual orientation \u2014 even one that created a safe space for misplaced LGBTQ+ Youth. We even visited the apartment building where Eleanor Roosevelt<\/a> and her partner lived for many, many years. <\/p>\n

After the tour, dad thanked me multiple times for taking him on it. It was really such a perfect moment of our trip. In fact, I\u2019d have to say that this was the best trip to New York City that I\u2019ve ever been on. <\/p>\n

 
\n

\"Pride\"
Paul and his father on the streets of New York City<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n
<\/div>\n

The Road to Self Love<\/h4>\n

Listen to the podcast episode<\/a> that Paul recorded with his father, where they discuss coming out in a religious family, Stonewall, Pride50, parenting LGBTQ+ youth, and more. <\/p>\n

\"Pride\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Paul Fishman<\/strong> is a Self Love Coach and creator on a mission to empower and inspire humanity to love unconditionally. Through sharing his journey of coming out, losing weight and regaining control of his finances, Paul hopes to foster connection around our similarities which he believes truly outweigh our differences. <\/p>\n

Learn more about Paul by following him on instagram @paulfishman<\/a> or visiting his website www.paulfishman.love<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 
\n

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